Or I suppose you’re Eleanor right now. You’ll start using Elle more often when you turn 17 – you’ve had quite enough of the ‘old-fashioned name’ comments by now.
But for now, you’re 15, caught up in school, boys and a whole lot of English youtubers. It’s strange to think that I am currently only three years your senior – it seems like a lifetime ago.
You should have been with your boyfriend for just over half a year now. That doesn’t last, honey. Well actually, it does – for the next two years of your life. You’re gonna have some pretty good times with him, but you’ll eventually realise that relationships are just not for you.
If I’m remembering right, it was at this point in your life that you thought you had it all sussed. You want to sit your Advanced Higher English and Spanish in sixth year, and study it at Glasgow University when you leave school. You’ve already got a notebook full of little sketches of your future student flat, and reckon that you’ll still be in love with Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil when you’re 18.
Well, I’m 18 now, and almost everything on that list is complete nonsense. You did go on to sit your Advanced Highers, and while you got an A in Spanish, you got your first ever C in English.
I’m sorry, okay? I compared Daenerys Targaryean and Elizabeth Bennett for my dissertation – what did you expect?
As for uni, well. You didn’t even go to uni, and it certainly would not have been for English and Spanish. I mean, you applied for your childhood dream course anyway and got accepted, but your main goal was journalism and creative writing at Strathclyde. Pretty snazzy, huh? We didn’t even know you could do journalism at uni.
But alas, you didn’t go.
2016 will be such a shit year for you. You’re gonna feel the lowest you’ve ever felt in your life – sorry. You’re gonna make friends, lose them, then kinda make up again but not really. You’re gonna go through four different jobs, and eat double your weight in ice cream and fries.
But there are some highlights, too. You’re gonna travel to Australia by yourself to live with your brother, Barry, for a month. You’re also gonna make up with Ross (oh yeah, be prepared for a pretty big falling out in 2015. It won’t be fun – try not to be too upset), and become closer than ever with him. You’re gonna get a kick-ass job with STV, and then get accepted into one of the most competitive courses in the country. You’re welcome.
You’re doing pretty fab in life in 2017, but in 2014, you gotta get your act together. Don’t drift so far from Ross – he’s your best friend, whether you like it or not. Don’t let Morgan go either – you’re gonna really, really miss your pineapple pizza weekends.
Don’t spend so much time locked in your phone. Dad was right – the people you are friends with now will mean nothing to you when you leave school.
You’ve also met some amazing girls who you’re going to go to uni with in September, and you’ve already started making plans to tour Europe with them next year. That’s another point – get better at saving.
A lot of people are going to make fun of you this year. You’re gonna feel very self-conscious about your teeth when people name new Crayola colours after them, and liken them to the colour of the sun. But you gotta understand that the docs are gonna fix that soon – it isn’t you’re fault, and you’re doing everything right.
Also, for the love of God, DO NOT get eye corrective surgery. My opticians are now trying to blind me in one eye to make up for that botched operation.
But other than that, just keep doing what you’re doing. You’re studying well, and it’s important you make mistakes in your romantic life to shape you into who you are today – me. An emotionally detached cat lady who spends her weekends in the bath or watching Four in a Bed. You’ve got so much to look forward to.
What advice would you give your younger self?
This was day six of my 30-day blog challenge.